I wanted to share it before, but I could not get time to write it. So, just before
SBI clerical I wanted you to read it just once.
I am writing it on 2nd May 2015.
1st April 2015,
My result day, result of 365 days of study and 9 to 10 hours of day. Usually, I wake at 9AM in the morning and but that day, I woke up 7AM. And get ready and decided to go library and see my result there. And also decide not to eat anything before result and after result I am going to treat myself with my favorite sweet and food. AND you know, my mom also calling me to come home, to my village, but I tell her, that I will come after 1st April. I am pretty sure I will definitely going to get a seat in Clerk (2014-2015), because I score pretty good, 18 Marks more than cut-off. Everyone said to me, you are in bro. Hearing all these positive things, I am also sure. Whole day, I was waiting for result. PO result uploaded. And its clerical turn.
Around At 4PM Result uploaded, I am in library, and I checked my result, filled roll number and DOB, and before clicking on submit, in mind (jai hanuman…CANARA ya PNB hi dio Please)…! And after click on submit… I have just nothing to say. Just a little fake smile. And than eyes of tears. But you know, boys do not cry. Just pack up, and start walking toward home and suddenly raining and… in mind ( papa ko kya boluga, mumy ko kya btauga). Goes to home, start cooking, papa came from office,
asked me about my result, actually papa intuition, than I am not selected. So he asked politely, and I said..No. Papa – “Chal koi na, Tadka na jalaio.” I laughed little and doing my work. I did not eat, and just cook and goes to my room without saying any word. My best friend called me, he got more than 20 marks form cut off. He got IOB. He shouted on phone, I got selected. And I wished double warmed voice, “sale phone pe bta rha, ghar nhi aa skta”. And he said, We will meet you tomorrow. And asked me about my result. I said I didn’t get select. And after that few minute, we said and decided to meet tomorrow. But tomorrow I had to go home, as I told to mom. But I decided not to go, just stay on more day there. So that, i can enjoy my best buddy’s success.
Tomorrow, I waited for his call from morning to evening. But he did not call and when I called he did not picked. I thought, may be, he was in some problem. But he did not even call in evening. And next day, I went to home to mom to my village. When I told result to mom. She cannot believe it, and start crying. First time, saw my mom doing this for me. And first person, who looks too much sad just because of my result. (Muma, bhi… shayd sabke Aise hote hai, Itna bura hume bhi nhi lagta shyd humare fail hone ka jitna unko lagta hai). Whole month, I stayed quite home. And keep thinking, why me? and all rubbish things. And more over, I always think that I had very best people in my life as my friends. And you know, no body even bother to take a call to know, where I am and where I am not. And after, they were all knew my result. I felt very alone, depressed and watching mom.
But as time goes, I start thinking about my future. Now I have no friends in life, I know that. I do not have anyone to please now. Now I have just 3-targets to achieve. Out of 3 targets 2 is my education degrees and 1 is job. Today, 2nd may, I backed to city. And I promise myself, I am not stopping until I get my targets completed. I increase my hours of study: now I am going to library from 8AM and back to home at 8.30PM. And In night 9PM to 2AM. 1st target I completed in September and another in march and 3rd on 1st April 2016.
All this time, Whenever I fell restless and bored from study and got distract myself, I had just FEW LINES in my mind to remind me all the things:-
"When I Was Younger"
When I was younger
I told my mother
"I say, one day I'm gonna make you proud"
Now that I'm older
It's so much harder
To say those words out loud...!
You're growing taller
A little smarter
And one day you're gonna leave home...!!
will we look like your mother's father
"when we are fully grown???"